Cows, Cads, Curs and Crime Busters! Oh Yeah!

Katie Uhlman’s charming sitcom Cows Come Home is a breath of fresh air! With a hint of manure! Fifteen-minute segments follow Toronto resident Tabby Acres (yes) played with energy by Lindsey Middleton) who was trying on her wedding dress when fiancé Tyson called to say he wanted out. Tabby flees to rural Fort Erie, her home, to stay with Cara (Allie Dunbar) for sympathy and recovery. She’s a lot of work, a natural disrupter but soon finds her groove working as a farmhand. Turns out it’s her route to fulfilling a forgtten childhood dream. Tabby’d never won the 4H club Calf Trainer prize and determines to do so now, even if she must masquerade as a child. That’s because she noticed a “perfect” calf at a neighbouring farm. In order to take temporary custody to train it, she agrees to work at the farm, and sturns out she retained the routine from growing up. So she creates a new child ID, picks a name and dives right in. Director Ulhman has a good eye for visuals – birds flying off a barn roof in a flash, and respect for small moments.  Speaking of which, there are a few mini horse co-stars. I’ve met some in my day and am glad they’re finally getting their due in the limelight as trot-ons.   Also stars Jake Epstein, Paul Popowich, Remy Smith, the magnificent Luba Goy and … Elvis Stoyko! Bell Fibe TV1 June 11

ROMCON: Who the F*** is Jason Porter? That’s the title of Amazon Studios’ true-life crime two-parter on a horrifying real life case of a Toronto man, Jason Porter, a first-class serial scammer who preyed on older women. He used flattery and heavy-duty pretence of loving them, and robbed them. Three of his victims speak out detailing their experiences. Realtor Heather Rovet connected with him on PlentyofFish based on his appearance, he was a “super cute guy” (I beg to differ) and “he made me feel beautiful, sexy, desired”.  She like the others asked if he was really into older woman. If he’d been truthful he would have said “if they have money” -they had money.  One hired him as a contractor for her condo and he told her he’d lived in China, but couldn’t answer the simplest questions about the country, and that he was a software engineer, tired of the corporate world,  who preferred working with his hands. She thought it was strange to go from an annual 300K to 30K but she was spellbound. A third woman who’d recently lost a great deal of weight wanted a man; an experience, and she got both. Too bad he stole their money using in one case the woman’s father’s identity that he secured at her family farm, and stealing credit cards and information gleaned from private documents.  Yet another woman was smitten when he showed up for their date on a motorcycle. They all reported he talked to them like a lovesick teen and love bombed them, later it was gaslighting. Cops got him and he even manipulated them. Heather’s mother was “mesmerised” by him but her father had his number. He helped her set up a décor company but stole the money, after he’d stolen her mother’s jewelry including two wedding bands.  Instinct came late to the ladies whenmthey foundb their accounts empty. And his pseudonyms.  And his rap sheet.  Good cautionary tel,l if rather nauseating.

Season 2 of the father daughter spy caper series Fubar is now on Netflix.  Arnold Schwarzenegger’s back, baby as covert CIA agent Luke Brunner alongside Monica Barbaro as his daughter Emma with a HUGE cast of Canadians including Jay Baruchel, Scott Thompson, Carrie-Anne Moss, Devon Bostick, Zachary Bennett, Dustin Milligan, Barbara Eve Harris and Daniel Cash and more, plus Arnie’s pal Tom Arnold and comedienne Fortune Feimster. IMDb states the film was shot in Alberta, Edmonton, Fort McMurray, (West Edmonton Mall and the Airways Tavern) and in the oilfields of Nisku. OK, so Luke and Emma are holed up in a safe house with their team following their global adventures in the spy game; they can’t leave or allow themselves be seen. They’re getting fed up and bored when an idea for a mission comes to them.  They reckon terrorist Aldon Reese (Travis Van Winkle) has a plan to destroy the electronic grid over North American, collapse the US and world economy. Transportation would cease and food and medicine wouldn’t be delivered; weapons wouldn’t work and population would become extremely vulnerable. They beleive they’ll be invaded in 48 hours. Moss’ powerful character, the embodiment of pure evil, taunts Luke and threatens mayhem.  What ensues is silly, 80s style action and adventure, self-mocking with pinball machine violence and superficial characters – but its all about the action. So, shootouts, underwater choppers, bombs, and a fun cast put energy into this nostalgic actioner.

You have to love a film about a traumatised dog named Milly who is loved back to trust, right? An underemployed, uninspired filmmaker Ben Petrie and his partner Grace Glowicki play themselves in an a story of what happened to them when they took in rescue whippet Milly. She walks hunched over, curled, tail between her legs – surely a victim of abuse or chaos – a pathetic pup they are determined to heal. Grace and Ben snark at each other as he constantly works to dominate her, to her passive resistance. He plans to dominate Milly as well, to order her somehow out of her trauma. But Grace takes over the assignment.  Dog ownership begins to underscore the cracks in their relationship and shortcomings as dog parents; they know nothing about dogs, or pets, it seems. It’s uncomfortable to say the least watching them set harsh guidelines against Milly’s suffering. She improves as the film goes on, as Grace appears to heal from her sadness. For a film about love and caring, its prickly, often unpleasant and at times presents the dog parents as infantile, when it intends to be funny.  On TVOD.